Into The Sea, The Shining Sea [Open]

[nathaniel shane thomas]

It was quiet up here. It was exactly what Nate wanted. This problem was his was like a sick joke. He wanted to be around people. He needed that connection but he couldn't even bare to be too close to anyone. He was always on high alert whenever anyone else was in the room and that was extremely tiring.

It was late afternoon and most people were either doing their homework or doing something they shouldn't. Nate had always kept up with his school work. There really wasn't much else for him to do. He stood there, staring out at the school grounds. The grass was so green here. There were trees and flowers and peace... It was very different from his home.

That place was gray. It was concrete and spray paint and sirens and dread. It was nothing like what it was here and in a way this was better. It was the one good decision his mother had made and he was grateful for it. Maybe she did care after all.. But it was still too late. The damage was done. He stood there just quietly watching the near-empty scene down below. Hands in the pocket of his hoodie. It was nice up here. Nice and alone..

[tamara calisto parker]

if it hadn't been for what she was wearing tamara was honestly thinking that she could be mistaken for a student. yeah she was short, standing around five foot five. if she had been any younger maybe she could of ended up here. everyone had their problems and tamara was certain she had her's under control. she winced as someone accidently collided with her in the hallway. she needed to focus on the task at hand. which was finding the exit. she was still new around here and felt like the building was more like a maze than anything else. she had been trying to find landmarks around the building. knowing that she would probably end up going to different places. so far that day she had met with two patients and was told to get familiar with the place. you think they would set her up with a tour guide. at least she had her badge and key. knowing that identification was a major thing here. heels clicked as she turned another corner and found a door. maybe she should of asked for directions. she felt like a kid again, foolish and silly for not knowing where she was going. for now she just needed fresh air. time to collect her thoughts and then she'd make her way through the maze of a building. she pushed the metal door open as the wind blew past her. alright she wasn't a fan of heights but she wasn't afraid of them either. her light brown eyes scanned the area and it seemed to be empty for the most part. she bit her lip as she moved away from the door and more towards the center. this would be a nice place to catch the sunset. she turned to the side thinking she heard something and decided to call out. maybe someone was out here."hello..."

outfit

[nathaniel shane thomas]

Nate had been here for about a month now but there had been no progress at all. The psychiatrist he had been working with couldn't get anything out of hm. Nate refused to say every much and especially not in group sessions. Nothing they tried seemed to be working and the worst of it was the fact that they had decided to try putting him on medication for anxiety, hoping this would help but it only made Nate feel a little worse. He was less focused and not quiet as alert. It just meant that people had an easier time at sneaking up on him and Nate hated that feeling. He wanted to be off those meds but no one would listen and he couldn't find a way to tell them that it wasn't working for him..

He turned when he heard a voice. A hand moved up to pull the hood down but he said nothing, just stared at her. Nate had met her once before, the new psychiatrist. He couldn't see how this would make any difference at all. How would talking to one person be any different than talking to another? He just stood there silently. She was bound to notice... Or not.. Nate had no trouble with being invisible. It was better than the alternative.

[tamara calisto parker]

how long has it been now? tamara hadn't been keeping count, but if you really needed to know she was sure to look it up. she had the tendency to mark things on her calender and one of those things was when she had started working at pinewood. she felt like such a child excited and nervous about her first day. she couldn't sleep that night and ended up drinking about four cups of coffee to stay awake. she had stayed up cleaning her tiny apartment, moving things her and re-arranging things there. she finally managed to sleep for three hours when her alarm sounded. next time she wasn't going to leave her bed. a few days had passed and she had gotten used to it. they started her off slow especially because she was a newbie. she didn't mind, she was more nervous about messing up and looking bad. again they had told her not to get attached to any of the patients. yes, she should of picked something else. she didn't tell them how sorry she felt for them. she knew that, that wasn't the type of help they needed. she had found her exit and she was glad to be getting fresh air. she had only taken a few steps before she thought she heard something. a small hello and she ventured forth not sure how big the rooftop was or who she would find up here. she had to make the assumption that it was off limits. honestly why would this place be allowed to the patients here. of course they were always the exceptions of the low risk ones, but they shouldn't be left alone especially up here. she spotted a hooded figure. standing there as she tried to glance at their face before they pulled the hood closer to them. she was terrible with names, especially when it came to people she had just met."hey, its doctor parker....i don't know if you remember me, but we met before...."she figured it might of been true the face did strike her a familiar but the name was eluding her."should you be up here by yourself..."she asked not really expecting an answer. he had been quiet when they were first introduced as well.

[nathaniel shane thomas]

Nate was a lot smarter than he looked. It was another thing that made him feel so out of place and alone. The man who had taken his case in the first place didn't seem to notice but then why would he if Nate never gave him a chance. Maybe it was the fact that he was a guy and Nate always felt intimidated by him and being in an office with the guy made him want to pretend he wasn't even there. If only he could just turn invisible.. Maybe it wasn't the doctor's fault after all.. Maybe it was Nate..

At least this time they had a female doctor, hoping to see if someone quite different might be able to get through to him. Nate's grades in school were great but he often seemed distracted in class, like he had no desire to be there. He would stare out the window, read a book of his own and pay hardly any attention to the teacher or the lesson. He was always off in his own little world, hiding away for as long as he could.

Nate turned away when she spoke. Of course he remembered her. She was talking to him like he was five and he didn't like it. He was used to it and he never complained, but he didn't like it. Most people treated him like a kid and just assumed he wasn't terribly bright. All because he was so quiet and tended to ignore them like he didn't understand. It was his own fault but it was done purposefully. It allowed most people to have a good reason to ignore him and Nate preferred it that way.

He had his back to her, having no intention of engaging her in conversation but she asked a question. One he decided he had to answer should she try calling security about it and wasting their time. "Level ones are allowed up here," he told her, his voice clear and words perfectly articulated. He was intelligent but rarely cared to show it. "We don't tend to do anything too crazy," he assured her, glancing back at the doctor. He wasn't dangerous, that little bit of information should help he thought. Still, the hood stayed on like he was still subconsciously trying to hide.

[tamara calisto parker]

she felt awkward and out of place. it wasn't a session right now and she wasn't going to plan on asking him any more questions. the doctor had given her notes about the boy but she hadn't looked at anyone files, especially not ones that were just being switched over to her. maybe it was best that she keep her mouth shut. she didn't want to give off a bad impression. she laughed inwardly at herself. it was just like her to think of what people thought of her. she figured it was normal for her anyways, she was in a new job she hadn't found her comfort zone yet. she seemed to get over that feel for a while as she started to ask questions. she knew some of the patients could be dangerous. this was not new to her. before she had accepted the job here she had been working at the local hospital in maine. she was working with all sorts of patients, but the age range was fairly the same. they were all older people. some how they seemed nicer than the kids roaming the hallways around here. she didn't want to leave but....the sound of his voice. she was honestly surprised that he even responded. she had dealt with patients that didn't want to talk or they couldn't talk. either way she ended up finding ways for the communication to be open. she crossed her arms as she felt another gust of wind. she felt silly for asking such a question, but how was she suppose to know. maybe she should of stayed in her office and looked up everyone's files. the rules were different in every place and it was obvious it would be different here as well."i see. i guess that makes sense.."tamara said softly."if that were the case you shouldn't be in here at all."she wasn't directing the comment at him and she hoped that he didn't take it that way."if you don't mind, im going to stay up here for a while."she said digging into her pocket for her phone. she had a lighter as well but she really wasn't much of a smoker. she had a pack sitting in her desk, only one had been smoked."don't worry im not up here to baby sit you."she said still looking at her phone as she took her heels off and sat on a near by bench that was stuck to the wall.

[nathaniel shane thomas]

Nate stared out at the grounds. Blue eyes scanning the scene before him. He could see a little into the town from here, just beyond the gates.. He was allowed to go there but it still seemed so far away. He knew he could never bring himself to actually go and for a moment, it felt like he would be stuck in the same place forever. Would that be such a bad thing? People talk about being trapped like it was this horrible curse but Nate would swap placed with them any day.. As long as he wasn't trapped with other people.

There was another gust of wind and he could see her arms folded and although Nate kept to himself, they were the only people up here. "Are you cold?" he asked, still staying in his position at the edge. He didn't have to talk very much to still be concerned about others' well being. He wouldn't willingly come any closer to her. It was cold up there but Nate was used to it.. Even liked it sometimes. It reminded him of home, and his mom never getting the heating fixed and him having to figure it out and try fixing it on his own but that didn't work. The thing was too old and needed to be replaced. Even Nate couldn't McGuyver it to life.

Nate moved along the edge, just to get a different angle but he stopped when she said that. He turned to look at her. "They had to draw the line somewhere," he told her simply. "Guess I was on the wrong side of it," he said. Nobody was perfect but it was hard to define normal and somewhere a line had to be drawn and everyone on one side of it, no matter how close to the edge had to be considered broken and lost or just plain crazy in some cases. His was enough of a problem to warrant him being in here.

He watched her for a moment. He could deal with her staying but he didn't have to talk either, did he? When he was satisfied that she would just play with her phone, he continued walking along the edge, looking out at the grounds like he wanted to go out there. He wouldn't of course. There were always too many people around, some getting violent enough to push and shove and he just couldn't stand anyone getting too close. He stopped again and stared out at the scene like a bird trapped in its cage even with the door open, and all because it had forgotten how to fly.. He hummed a quiet tune. Perhaps quiet enough that she wouldn't hear. It didn't matter, he wasn't thinking too much about that. It was just a nice song.. One of his favorites.

[tamara calisto parker]

she was still adjusting the to the change in climate. it was obvious colder in maine but here she was getting chilled by the breeze that passed by. then again she was used to wearing many layers. she'd get used to it eventually. was she making progress, what was she doing think about work when she was obvious just take a break. she shook her head at her thoughts and realized that he could of took that as a response."no...well, i just haven't gotten used to the climate change. im from maine and....yeah.."she wasn't one to discuss her life with anyone let alone students or patients."i'll get used to it eventually."a smile formed on her face as she took a seat on the bench. she was a bit cold but that didn't mean she wasn't going to kick off her heels. she hated those things. what she would give to wear her converse sneakers but that wasn't professional attire. was it strange that she felt like she was playing dress up? she looked alright in her clothes, she wasn't a complete disaster. she had been watching him before their conversations stopped. she wished she could of rephrased her last comment as she was not directing it towards him. she simply stayed quiet and listened to his response. she wasn't sure how or if she should answer that."...i..no one's perfect. as soon as people start to accept that maybe they will see the wrong they've done."she was talking about the people who made the book of what was mentally sane and what was not."you know these doctors said that homosexuality was a mental disorder...it obviously isn't.....and i had a very good point to make but i'll just through that little fact out there."tamara said laughing softly at herself. then it was quiet it again. she resumed to playing on her phone as he did was he was doing before she had interrupted his silence. it wasn't before long that she started to walk around. making sure she didn't invade his side of the roof. she still had her phone out but this time she was taking pictures. it was nice up here and she loved taking pictures. though they probably would of been better if she had her camera with her and not just her phone.

[nathaniel shane thomas]

Nate didn't the weather here. His mother was always drunk it seemed and apparently the alcohol was enough to keep her warm. Or at least enough to forget she had a small child to care for that might be freezing. She never seemed to have the kind of empathy that Nate could show. She didn't think of others, it was only ever about her but Nate got used to that.

Nate nodded at that. His mind cycling through all the information he had about Maine. It wasn't as much as he knew about other things but it was natural for Nate to list things in his head, it kept memories from fading. As quiet as he was, the boy was always thinking of something.

He continued on his way, pacing slowly back and forth, watching her for moments at a time. He took a second longer when she kicked her heels off. It must not be comfortable if she was taking them off so why wear them in the first place? He knew why his mother wore them but it was probably for very different reasons. "Why do you wear those?" he asked. Curiosity was a big part of his personality and although he didn't often like company, one on one conversations were fine as long as it wasn't about him.

He paused again when she spoke. "If you don't think we all have problems then why do you do what you do?" he was more than fine with asking the hard questions. If she was so sure that perfection couldn't be attained why try and make people normal? Why bother trying to make them assimilate? Why not just let them be? Why not just let him be?

He took a step back, a subconscious effort to pull away from the conversation when she mentioned homosexuality. He was fine with the conversation but Nate decided that he didn't have very much to add to that. He was just a kid after all, he didn't always have something to say about every topic.

The silence soon fell again and there was Nate, quietly thinking about a bird stuck in its cage.. forgetting how to fly.. That was sort of what this felt like.. His humming got just a little louder, still quiet enough but he was lost in his own thoughts now. His foot tapped to the beat in his head. He could almost hear the guitar playing his head. Music was one of the other things he loved.. Maths, Physics... Music.. Was it really so odd a combination? There was a lot of maths in music. More than most people knew.

[tamara calisto parker]

tamara let her mind wander back to her hometown. it seemed like a place she wasn't going to return back to. she really didn't have much of a good bye with her family. hell they didn't know about her getting a job down here till she left. she didn't want to tell them where she was going. it was like she was going into hiding and she didn't want to admit that to herself right now. they seemed to be getting along some what. from the little comments his old doctor had made. it was apparent that he didn't do much talking. so maybe this was a good sign? or maybe this is the first time people were listening. again her mind began to analyze things as the silence continued. she looked up and then at her shoes before laughing softly."uh...because they are pretty."was that the proper response."i'd wear flats but as you can tell im rather short and sneakers don't go well with this outfit."she said she dusted the imaginary dirt from her pants."there okay once in awhile, but not for the whole day."she continued talking about her heels. maybe she was exaggerating a bit about her height she was five foot five. still she felt tiny around here for some odd reason. words didn't come naturally to tamara, that's why she was never one for big speeches. it wasn't about the stage fright it was always about being understood. she listened to his response to her the failed point she was trying to make. to many distractions. she had the habit to think about something else just to try to tie it in with the topic at hand. his question was valid. of course she didn't hesitate to answer."...because i can't stand the sight of blood so i couldn't be a nurse."tamara said with a small smile the question had caught her off guard. she really didn't think about why she wanted to be a psychiatrist. she wasn't about to tell him that she had a knack for it. she wanted to help people because she felt sorry for them. she didn't want to say that to his face. it was like adding salt to the wound. societies view on normality was messed up. she was well aware no one was normal. there was always something that people kept hidden, everyone had problems but it was the way you managed them that made you be defined as normal."everyone has problems...whether we want to be defined by them and up here is someone's choice....is it so bad to care?"she asked him rhetorically before she continued to add to her response."look all im saying is that maybe a problem we have my be blown out of portion.... do you honestly think people want to live with thoughts of suicide, uncontrollable urges whatever they might be. i know im...."tamara closed her mouth before revealing something about herself. she didn't need to tell anyone and still felt the need to get this fear out in the open. not happy....living with this fear. she thought to herself as she tried to cover up her abruptness."people should feel accepted...its why i do what i do. i want to help them know they are not alone that someone actually cares. whether they have a problem or not people need to feel accepted, wanted, loved."she felt like all these words were just random bullshit. in all honesty she wanted to help people out. you only live once so why waste it. maybe it wasn't the best answer. right now the last thing she needed to be was criticized the the line of work she was in. she went back to her phone playing a game, sending a text and then she began to take pictures. she knew she had to come back up here. with her camera. she figured the sunset would be amazing. she need to distract herself from this. wandering back to her shoes she heard a sound from his direction. was he humming. she thought to herself. not wanting to ask or interrupt. her pager seemed to do the work of interrupting well enough.

[/justify][/size]

[nathaniel shane thomas]

Nate looked like he wasn't giving her very much of his attention but he was still there. He may not have been looking at her very much but he was attentive, taking in every word. He stopped to think about it before accepting the answer. His mom was about as tall as the doctor and she wore them too. "My mom only wears them when she's going out," he said quietly. It was a very basic sentence, probably one you could get out of a six year old but it was an honest statement freely given which wasn't such a common thing for Nate. He didn't mind taking to her so much. She seemed far less... Of whatever it was the other doctor had that made him not want to talk to the guy. It would probably take a bit more analyzing to figure that one out.

Success! Her statement about blood got a small chuckle from the boy who usually had those sad eyes and never a smile. It was funny, or at least he found it amusing. It wasn't much of an answer but it made him laugh a little at least.

He thought about her words, considering them very carefully. She cared? But why? A lot of people cared but for very different reasons. Some cared because it was their responsibility and they had to or they'd be in trouble. Others did it for the money, it was a good job so why not do it? Some cared because that was just how they were and others did it because it was an obligation and they felt like they had to because no one else did.

He could have responded but she paused and he looked straight up at her, head lowered but eyes tracking her face for whatever emotion he could find there. She said she did this for all those things but if she had something that she was hiding... Maybe she was doing this because those were the things she needed...

"Are you sure it's not because that's what you need?" he asked quietly. He wasn't pushing her into talking, he was just putting that point out there. Maybe she was the one looking for love and acceptance. He knew a lot of people here who had absolutely no interest in that so maybe it really was more for herself.. Maybe she thought that if she could help others, she might inadvertently help herself.

While he walked, quietly humming, Nate felt a little better about things. It was like she wasn't even there which was what he had been after in the first place.. A moment to not have to worry about what was around him and who might get close. It was freedom, something he lacked. He stopped and turned when he heard the pager. He watched her for a moment. "Does that mean you have to go?" he asked, it was a simply question but there was just the slightly hint in his tone that said, maybe.. just maybe he wouldn't mind so much if she stayed.

[tamara calisto parker]

she wasn't sure if she was suppose to respond to that and really didn't want to pressure him to talk about his family life. this wasn't a session she was off the clock for right now. she nodded to show that she was listening but still she made a comment herself."yeah i would too, but i don't go out much anymore."she said with a small smile. it seemed like she did a lot of talking and it was a bit unusual for her because it was normally the other way around. she didn't feel like having to fill up the empty space but it just seemed like the questioned seemed to pop out of now where. she was caught off guard by the sound that was coming from him. she wasn't sure if he laughed or not but she had to admit it was a bit unusual to be in the medical field and be afraid of blood. that was really the only thing stopping her from that career path or any path that had anything to do with blood. she really didn't know why she was doing this. explaining herself its not like she had some obligation to do it. she wasn't bothered by it. of course she didn't know the answer to everything and that's what she felt like this kid needed. answers. just as she didn't know all the answers she figured that's why he was quiet during her long speech. or maybe there were things that had affected him. she wasn't going to badger him for the answers. that's why she was different or so she believes, as a therapist she was patient and she didn't demand answers after all those answers were not going to make her feel better. it was all up to the patient whether they wanted to move on with their life...well if it was even possible. his question was a bit unnerving it was like he knew what she was thinking. she figured she'd defer his question with another questions."if that's you sly attempt to ask if i have a boyfriend the answer is no."she said laughing softly. knowing that at that point she didn't need anyone by herself. that was a lie all on its own. she did need someone but it wasn't for romantic interests. she just wanted someone to talk to after all she did leave her family behind. yes there was always the option of calling her family but she really didn't want to talk to them about where she was and she knew that would be the first question to pop up. as for having a boyfriend a relationship was the last thing on her mind. especially after what happened."um...yes and no..."tamara said as she looked at her pager. she smiled slightly that he had asked about her departure."i just have to move some boxed to my office...do you want to come?"she wasn't going to force him to leave the roof if he didn't want to but she needed the help especially if there were tons of them. that fact that they were having a good conversation didn't affect her asking him to come along at all. so she thought to herself."i could use the help i mean....you don't have to if you don't want to..."she said with a reassuring smile as she put her heels back on.

[nathaniel shane thomas]

Nate said nothing to that. He didn't like when she went out at night. He didn't care that she had a life or wanted to go out and have fun. It was her life, she could do whatever she wanted, even if it meant neglecting her own child's basic needs. Half the time there wasn't ever any food in the house, just bottles of alcohol. The problem was, she never came home alone. If they didn't notice him it was fine but when they did, it bothered him. They never seemed to like it, like he was an intruder in his own home. Utterly unwanted but with no where else to go. That was his life. He had no where to belong.

"That wasn't what I asked," Nate said calmly. Maybe if he was just some kid that might have been his question but he was just reading into it.. Perhaps a little too much. "You said," he began, managing to quote her exactly "Whether they have a problem or not people need to feel accepted, wanted, loved," he repeated. "Do you feel that now or are you still looking for it?" He asked, clarifying his question as he watched her. The tables were turned but Nate felt safe enough to ask. She didn't seem like so much of a threat.. Not like that old guy with his boring ties and dull tone.

He hesitated when she asked if he wanted to come with her. "There might be people down there," he said, looking back over at the grounds. "Don't like people," he said quietly. If she could promise that it would be quiet enough there then he could go.. Otherwise, the thought of willingly going somewhere with a few other people just didn't feel right.