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[victoria hope jean]

If Hope had one reason to live, she thought it would be Izzy. Because that girl has supported her through everything. She was the one person that didn't turn away from her when all those things were spread about her. She didn't ask about what really happened, or judged her, just because of what one boy has said. So, in reality, Hope shouldn't be telling her all of these bad things about Pinewood, she should be uplifting her and telling her that maybe it wouldn't be as bad for her as it has been for herself. She bit down on her bottom lip and ran her hand through her hair, separating some of the curls, before looking up at her, "Well.. maybe this place won't be as bad for you as it has been for me, Iz.. I mean, you're not me. So.." she said, shrugging her shoulders, "Your experiences will be completely different from mine." It was the truth, they were two completely different people. She had to realize that. She frowned a little at her as she talked about the whole isolation thing, "Like I said, your experiences will be different from mine. So maybe someone won't pick apart your problems. Maybe you'll get someone who will actually want to help."

[isabelle marie reyes]

Isabelle and Hope, well the two of them had been friends for so damn long! The young ladies were best friends and there wasn’t a time where Izzy would ever turn her back on her friend. Even if she was pissed off at her, she was the one friend that she’d cherish forever and ever! They were sassy-sweet little Southern girls who kind of had a lot of issue’s hence they were here at Pinewood. However, Iz, well she disguised hers a lot like Hope. Everyone at home, well was in complete shock when it came time to hearing about Hope trying to kill herself! When asked more times than none the sixteen year old, well she’d snap and tell people it was none of their damn business, because they were all nosy and they didn’t care, they just wanted to gossip! She didn’t find that acceptable for her best friend, despite trying to be as sweet as possible! When you cared about someone your behavior wasn’t always angelic especially if the situation was sour! She smiled at her friend as she turned the situation around and attempted to sugar coat it for her. ”It is what it is...Hope!” she said and shrugged a little bit. ”I hope that it’ll just turn around for you and it’ll be better for the both of us, but thanks?” she said because she knew she was trying!
However, it really seemed like her friend seemed to avoid the questions about being treated differently. Was she treating her different? She gulped and fell down on the bed next to Hope, because it was alarming? She didn’t want to be treating her different, because she needed to be that person that didn’t! Everyone else did and that was not what Hope needed. ”You didn’t answer me...” she said her hand going to grab her friends hand. ”Do I treat you different?” she asked her again, because if she did then she needed to work on that and quick.

[victoria hope jean]

She wanted so badly to just forget that Houston ever happened and just start a whole new life, honestly. But one with Izzy in it, that.. however, just wasn't easy. It was incredibly hard, impossible really. But she was just going to have to keep on keepin' on, because there wasn't anything that she could do about the situation that she was in. I mean, she was in a whole new state, so maybe it would be possible one day, with a little bit of help. She looked up at Iz and gave her a sad smile, before nodding her head, "Yeah.. it will turn around for the both of us," she let out a sigh, looking down at her hands, "Because, let me tell you a secret. I struggle too.. with an eating disorder. It's how I know what you're going through, it's why I think that we could help each other. But only if you want help," she said, shrugging her shoulders. It was just a thought. She thought that it would be nice for the two of them to try and lift each other up while they were in this place. She let out a huff when Izzy sat down beside her and grabbed her hand. She hated answering questions like this, but Izzy had been honest with her... after constant prodding of herself, but she was still honest! She faced her, grabbing onto her hand, before putting on a smile, "I have an idea. It seems.. that we're both holding things from one another. And they happen to be very important things that is holding each of us back from this friendship," she said, wanting to just lay everything out, not let the two of them hold anything back, "We're going to have a pow wow. I'll tell you something, then you tell me something, okay? I'll start by telling you that.. yeah, you did treat me differently from time to time, but I know that you tried not to.." She knew down in her heart that Izzy meant the best, "But... I mean, it's hard not to, isn't it? When you find out your best friend is going through depression and then.. attempts suicide, and you don't know why... so, now it's your turn!" She wanted for this to start off simple, because she didn't want to rush into the pow wow and scare Izzy.

[isabelle marie reyes]

The issue’s Isabelle faced were far different from the one’s that Hope faced or well she didn’t know exactly what had happened, but she felt like if they were complicated enough to want to full on try and kill yourself, well it had to be. Her secrets were just minor in comparison she was sure, so it was almost silly to be here she was sure. She felt somewhat pathetic, but the smile well instantly earned a smile. No matter if her pathetic emotions were hidden behind it. ”It will.” but really she wanted to say I hope. She was trying to be positive, and as a best friend that was her job, to be positive, because it had to right!? It had to! Izzy looked over her friend who was just naturally skinny or so she thought and she sucked in her breath. It was unfair for her to say not you too. Oh her, Hope. She couldn’t say that though, because it was hypocritical. ”I’m not sure if I want help or not.” she admitted biting her lip and not waiting to see the look of disappointment. ”I’m sorry Hope.” she apologized, but she didn’t want to be called fat anymore and or going back to feeling or being called fat. She liked fitting in small clothes! She looked back at her and sucked in her breath again. She didn’t want to be held back from this friendship she didn’t but she didn’t know if being completely exposed to someone was an idea she could live with. She trusted Hope, but this was going to be hard. ”O-kay.” she said a little nervously and further listened. She didn’t mean to treat her different, but Hope understood that she tried her best to not be different and she swallowed. ”It’s hard because I don’t know why, but one day I feel like you’ll tell me. I just don’t want to push you down, because I need you and that’s selfish, but you’re my best friend, and I don’t want to add pressure, but your I don’t know you mean a lot to me and I want you to be happy again.” she said and licked her lips because now it was her turn she looked down and looked back up. ”I feel sometimes like I’m fake, because I just want everyone to be happy, but I’m broken.”

[victoria hope jean]

Hope nodded her head in understanding when Izzy said that she didn't know if she wanted help or not. She did, because Izzy had grown accostumed to how she was living, and.. she liked it. She got it, she did.. but she was also scared about that fact, because she knew the effects of an eating disorder, "I get that.. but I mean, you can still.. stay skinny in a different way. That's what I've learned," she said, nodding her head, because she wanted her best friend to be happy. Normal, not in a place like this, though she was already here, "Izzy, don't apologize for how you feel." She was happy that Izzy agreed to the little pow wow, because they needed it; she knew that she did. They didn't need to have secrets between one another, because a best friend was someone you went to when you needed them most. She should ahve gone to Izzy, instead of taking matters into her own hands and vice versa. She listened as she told her why she treated her so differently and nodded her head. She was going to tell her, and she wasn't going to tell her because she was pressuring her.. kind of like what Hope did to Izzy.. but because she wanted to. It was her idea to do this, anyway. And that was definitely one secret that was holding her back. Besides, the one person that she did tell didn't believe her, so she needed to have someone that she knew would believe her. When izzy started telling her, her secret she frowned a little, because she knew that she wasn't fake in the slightest, "I think that it's normal to feel that way.." she started, "Just because you want to make sure everyone else is happy, doesn't mean you fake. Holding in emotions is normal.. because you don't want to bring people down, or have them pity you," she said, just putting in her two cents. Then.. it was her turn. She was just going to go ahead and put it out there in the open, before she changed her mind, "You know.. how that rumor about me was going around about Alex and I.." she bit down on her bottom lip, before looking down at her hands in her lap. She let out a breath, before just putting it out there, "I... I was raped, Iz."

[isabelle marie reyes]

”Stay skinny and be healthy? I know my Mom said it to me. I just...” she sighed, becuase she didn’t know what else to say. She liked the way it seemed to work, because she was close to being less than three digits on the scale and going at it from her Mother’s approach she was sure she’d be reading double digits plus on the scale. She didn’t need that in her life right now. Then she was saying she didn’t have to apologize for how she felt. ”I can’t help it that’s how I am, Hope.” Hope should know that by now. This game, well it was going to scare her to what level her and Hope would go and take their friendship and what they’d learn about one another. She’d like to say that her best friend knew everything about her and she knew everything about her best friend, but there was a time and a place for everything. She had to accept she treated her friend differently, like sometimes walking on shells, but trying so hard not to, because she didn’t want to treat her different, because of the fact that she didn’t want to be just one more person on that list that was different it wasn’t want Hope would want! It was a normal thing, but the sixteen year old, well she took it to levels that she knew other people might, but if it meant someone else feeling better and her feeling like crap she gave into it. ”Yeah...” she said squeezing her friends hand and she moved to cross her legs to get in a better position. ”Yeah, exactly, because I don’t want to seem like a victim. I feel like everyone’s expecting that.” Which probably wasn’t true. She hoped it wasn’t really true anyways, because she wanted it to not be the case.She just listened to her friend and she completely froze. She wanted to reach forward and just hug her and hold her, but that wasn’t part of the game was it. She shouldn’t say she was sorry, because Hope would just say it wasn’t her fault so Izzy leaned forward and moved Hope’s hair to the side and kissed her forhead. ”I love you, but one day I’m going to go away for murder.” Her right fist clenched. She wanted to kill Alex. Hope would be in the same boat, and her left hand lightly in an affectionate manner grazing Hopes shoulder. ”I hide behind my smile. I truly do hate myself.” it had to be her biggest secret. She did! She hated how she got fat by barely eating too much, she defaced herself with her cuts, maybe Hope could already tell though, because she showed her everything.

[victoria hope jean]

Hope raised a brow at her best friend, before shaking her head. She had it bad when it came to wanting to be skinny, wanting to fit in. While yes, Hope was like that.. she wasn't that bad. It was making her sad to see her best friend be like this, because she only wanted the best for her friend. She deserved the bet, she didn't deserve the life that she was living right now. Really, she just wanted to yell, 'Do you think that looking sickly will make people happy? No, society is still going to make you think that there's something wrong,' because... it was the truth. You were either too big, or too skinny. Hope didn't really think that she was too big anymore, all of those thoughts that Alex and everyone else had planted into her mind left her, and really.. she was doing it because she knew that.. soon enough, maybe it would end her. It was a sick way of thinking about it, but she knew that it was true, "It just scares me, Iz.. because I mean.. it's killing you. Don't you get that?" she knew it, because she was doing it to herself.. she didn't want her friend to do the same, though, "I know.. but.." she let out a huff, poking out her bottom lip in a pout because she didn't really know what to say about it. She smiled a little at her friend, squeezing her hand right back, "Because so many people play the victim card nowadays," she said, nodding her head. She watched Iz's reaction carefully, to see if she would act any differently. But she could tell that she was holding herself back from doing something, and she put a smile on her lips, because she was appreciating that she wasn't going out of her way to make her feel better, "Don't bother, Iz. What's done is done.." she said, shrugging her shoulders. Tears welled in her eyes as Izzy told her her next secret, because.. that truly broke her heart. She didn't want her best friend to feel that way.. But she couldn't say anything, because she felt the same. People in Houston, the ones that had teased her.. mocked her.. made her believe that she was just a waste of space. She let out a breath and fanned at her eyes, "Alright.. One last secret, then... we can just hug each other any cry all we want.. Deal?" She said, looking at her best friend. Because they had to be holding feelings back for one another, "I'm self destructive here.. badly. If I know someone is here for something bad.. such as anger problems, or if they're psycho.. I'll go out of my way to egg them on.. in hopes of them... killing me. If I can't do it myself, then maybe someone else can." It was terrible, but it was the truth. And right now, she just wanted to cry and hug Izzy, for all of the pain that both of them felt.

[isabelle marie reyes]

Society, well it played a big part on young women. Isabelle, well she was probably so sick that she couldn’t even tell how sick she actually was, but she ate and she purged and it was a nice balance and she was fine, but she wasn’t fine. She knew that, but she didn’t want to be the girl left behind and alone! She didn’t want to be the fat girl that everyone laughed at because she had been that girl when she was younger and she couldn’t take it anymore. Then all of a sudden Hope said words she shouldn’t say to Izzy, because it was her worst fear. Despite knowing what she was doing to her body she didn’t want to be dead! She knew she was killing herself, but she didn’t want to be dead. She began humming when Hope began to say it was scaring her and it was killing her and began to rock herself a little because she didn’t want to hear it. She just wanted to be happy! This was being happy, or so she thought, because she was thin and no one was making fun of her anymore. She wasn’t ready to hear those words, so yes, she was acting a little immature. It probably let Hope in on how bad it actually was now. Once it was over she just didn’t answer the question, because how did you answer something that scared you and you didn’t want to face? ”Yeah and I don’t want to just be another person in line...” wasn’t she though? She was a victim to herself! It didn’t matter though, because she even hated herself! When she heard Hope’s news she wanted to hug her and stroke her hair and cry, but she couldn’t do that, because it wasn’t...it would just it’d just be another thing adding to the hurt. Iz for doing stupid things could sometimes be pretty smart. ”Don’t act like you wouldn’t do the same for me if the tables were turned.” but she was right. What was done was done..it would look like a hate crime, but right now she did hate Alex and it would be a hate crime. Anything to do with Hope being hurt brought out this angry side of her. She even had choice words for her brother when it came down to running into him again. Hope was like the one person...the one person that had been there always even if she didn’t know what Izzy was going through. Her last secret it had her wanting to break. Break worse than anything that had ever wanted to make her break in her entire life. Now, she’d just have to keep Hope away from...Izzy needed to just tie Hope down and keep her away from the world. She even whimpered because it caused her pain to hear her friend wanted to die that bad. ”I hate my bullies, but I also...I guess I kind of appreciate them, because if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t see my flaws. I’d be stuck in a world of stupidity....I wouldn’t be able to see how truly fucked up of a human being I am without them, so when I say I don’t care what they think it actually means everything.” that was as deep as Izzy got and not even her cousin new that, because at the same time she hated bullies.

[victoria hope jean]

Hope felt like she was being a hypocrite, the fact that she was telling Iz that she needed to get better, so that she wouldn't kill herself.. because here she was doing it to herself. The difference was, at one point.. Hope didn't want to ever do that to herself. She had thought that God would be forgiving and things would all just go back to normal, but that just didn't didn't happen for her.. because it seemed that life just didn't want to work in her favor. She had to live, for the time that was given to her, "... I just don't want to see you slowly wither away.." she said, tears welling in the back of her eyes, but she quickly blinked them away. She couldn't imagine life without Izzy, and she didn't want to... Was it the same way around for Izzy? Could she not imagine life with her best friend there, either? It made her feel so.. so guilty for doing what she did, thinking what she does when she thinks about how it affected those around her.. but she was so keen on just ending all of this pain, the easy way out, "I didn't say that i wouldn't. In fact, I'd probably go when you didn't do and kill the bastard," she said, just putting it out there. That's how protective she was over her friends and family, "But.. I mean.. he's scary, Iz.. I don't know if anyone would be able to do anything when it came to him." Alex was messed up in the head, he was the one that deserved to be in this hell.. Not her. None of them did, but him. As Izzy told her final secret, she didn't know what else to say, or really what to do at that moment. The tears that had been building up through this pow wow, finally just spilled over like a waterfall. Her cheeks were damp sooner than she had expected, but she couldn't hide all of the hurt that she was feeling. From all of her feelings coming to the surface, to what she was feeling for Izzy and her issues. Finally, she just reached over and wrapped the young brunette into a hug, "God, Iz.." she just couldn't even say anything else in that moment, she.. she just needed her best friend.

[isabelle marie reyes]

The two of them were both pretty much sticks, but Iz could pick off a million places on her body where she felt she needed to thin out. Especially her hips and her thighs! She couldn’t say anything to hope about her disorder or anything, because she was just horrible. It’d be hypocritical and stupid. She wasn’t evens sure if Hope would buy into her saying it’d be okay stories anymore, because now she knew how big of a mess she was. Then Hope said that she didn’t want to see her wither away. ”You don’t get to say that...I’m sorry but you don’t...you tried killing yourself in a hotel room and I had to see you in a hospital bed...” she wasn’t trying to point fingers, but really Hope didn’t get to say that to Izzy. ”You could have succeeded and then what...and you’re doing the same exact things I do..you may not be doing them to the extent I do I don’t know, but it’s not fair, because I don’t want to see you wither away either, but I’ve been seeing it, time and time again.” because she did! She knew when she saw her friend before she left she was fading away in the sense of her person and she didn’t want to be alive. She wouldn’t have tried to kill herself if she had. Neither girl wanted to see the other dead. Izzy well she could have a bit of a dark mind for a sweet girl. ”I’d kill him slowly to watch him suffer.” she said and then Hope said nothing could probably be done because he was cruel. ”Or just shoot him in the head repeatedly...” she said shrugging like it was no big thing, because he couldn’t be scary then he’d just be laying on the ground with a whole in his head. There final secrets were very deep. When tears finally fell down Hope face the water works began off of hers as well. The hug well it made her gasp but at the same time she needed it more than she needed air. She needed to feel her best friend because she was afraid she was slowly leaving her. ”Hope, I love you.” she said not letting go at all. No, this was one of those long hugs that meant an incredible amount for the friendship as a whole.

[victoria hope jean]

"Yeah, but you weren't supposed to see that! I was supposed to be dead, in a different city so no one would have to see me," She said, because she had never planned for them to see her like that, or ever again really. If things had gone according to plan, then none of that would have happened. She wouldn't have been in that hospital bed, for everyone to see just what she did, "Don't you get it, Iz? I don't want you to go through what I'm going through. It's hell, it's.. The fact that you can feel that pain.. the hate of yourself kills me, because I only want the best for you." It was just the truth.. because although Hope had all of those constant thoughts of worthlessness and wanting to.. just not be alive, basically, she did want to get better. If she had to live, then she wanted to be better. And she definitely wouldn't wish that kind ofpain on anyone else, except maybe Alex himself. Her eyes widened a bit when she started talking about how she would kill the boy, because.. well.. she hadn't heard Iz get that cruel, "Alright, let's not plot any deaths. He's states away," she said, waving her hand around like he didn't even matter at that point in time.. because he shouldn't. He was the past. When the two were finally embracing one another, everything just kind of came out. The tears were neverending for her, because they needed each other, they needed this, "I love you too, Iz," she said, her voice thick with emotion.

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[isabelle marie reyes]

”But I did see that! I did and you’re not supposed to be dead...or you would be, but that’s not the point. You don’t get to tell me that I’m withering away when I...” she sighed and looked down at the bed sheets and took a deep breath. ”You just don’t get it Hope you don’t, but I’m not asking you too, because that’s selfish and it’d just be completely hypocritical but the only difference is I do it to feel numb and you do it to try and end, so don’t talk to me about withering away, just don’t.” she said and then she looked up at her. ”No you don’t get it! We may have similarities but we suffer from different demons. I’m not trying to compare myself to your issues by any means because I wouldn’t case we’re different people and..it kills me to see you like I do because I want the same for you but you’re from Texas, so you’re just as stubborn or if not more.” she said shrugging up her shoulders. ”I am who I am and I’m going to be happy Hope...I’m getting there...I’ll get there.” she said not feeling completely confident in that, but maybe soon? Maybe soon she’d be happy? She was doing this to get to her happy place. Skinny and to feel good about herself again! She had to understand that right? She nodded when she told her he was states away they should forget him because they were here and they were away from the madness of Mister Cavalier. She was in Hope’s arms soon enough and she was in hers. It was what love felt like she knew that. The kind of love you never wanted to leave so Hope couldn’t die and neither could she. ”Don’t leave me please...” it was a desperate plea. One she’d been wanting to make sense she found out that Hope had tried to die.